It was difficult to say what function Bert-77 fulfilled, but the job was something like a combination of life coach, psychologist, doctor, and priest. He, and being a Bert-model android meant that he was indeed a ‘he’, arrived at his 10 AM client’s house. Sanders.
The house was small and brightly painted, and tucked into a small grove of trees and wildflowers. Bert-77 let himself through the gate and knocked on the front door. And older man answered, then upon seeing the android, frowned. “Thursday already?”
“It is.” Bert-77 nodded. “May I come in?”
The man stepped aside and wordlessly gestured inside. Bert-77 entered.
“Lovely as always.” Bert-77 said.
“Hmmph.” Sanders grumbled.
“You should be proud of your clean house.”
Sanders grumbled again.
“I detect your mood is not optimal?”
“It never is when you’re around.” Sanders spat.
“I understand. Based on your tone, I can tell there’s been little improvement with your Android Inadequacy Syndrome?”
Sanders sunk to the couch and sighed. “You’re a cold, logical machine. Tell me, from a purely logical point of view, are androids superior to humans?”
“The question cannot be adequately answered, as-”
“-Cut the preprogrammed shit, robot. From all the data points you have, from all the information you can access, from everything you’ve seen and experienced, do you know of any case where humans have maintained their superiority to automatons?”
“Superiority is a subjective measurement that-”
“-Again you’re spewing that preprogrammed shit at me. I need you to tell me a case where you and your ilk are inferior to me.”
“You just pointed it out. It’s preprogrammed. I am bound by my programming. You are not.”
Sanders considered this for a moment, temporarily at a loss for words, then shook his head. “No…No, that’s a cop-out. My programming may not be as obvious as yours, but I am beholden to my genetics and upbringing. I am no more a free agent than you are.”
Bert-77 paused for a moment. “Tell me, do you think you could kill a person?”
“Huh?”
“If you needed, do you think you could kill a person? In a life-or-death situation, could you kill?”
“I suppose.”
“And yet every lesson instilled in you through your upbringing, every genetic impulse as a social creature, has programmed you not to kill. If the situation necessitates, you can throw off your programming. I cannot.”
“But all humans are programmed to have the capability to kill.” Sanders argued. “So killing is still within my programming.”
“But you are a social creature. Why is it humans have this ability?”
Sanders shrugged. “Well, I guess our evolutionary history hasn’t always been so peaceful. Sometimes people were put in situations where they had to kill. Those who refused were themselves killed, and weren’t able to spread their genes. Those with a cold-blooded streak, well, they survived…” Sanders shrugged again. “I suppose that’s our genetic legacy.”
“Exactly!” Bert-77 exclaimed.
Sanders gave the android a probing look. “Exactly? Is that meant to make me feel better? Is that supposed to make me think humans are superior to robots?”
“Adaptivity! That’s the key!” Bert-77 said. “You humans are so much more adaptive than even the most sophisticated of artificial intelligences. If society fell into ruin, no android would survive. We’d be scrapped for parts, shot, bombed, or simply fall into disrepair. We cannot reproduce and are wholly reliant on humans for our existence. You don’t feel inferior to an automobile, do you?”
“Well no.”
“But automobiles are far faster than you’d ever be in your natural state.”
“Yeah, but those are just vehicles.”
“They’re tools.” Bert-77 corrected. “As am I.”
“But you’re far smarter than me, far more skilled than me, far better than me in every way.”
Bert-77 appeared to mull this over. “Do you think you are the smartest or most skilled human? I doubt you do. Do you feel inferior to these people?”
“But they’re still people.” Sanders sighed.
“I understand. But I am pointing out the malaise you feel isn’t due to any individual’s superiority, but rather the general feeling that humans are being left behind.”
“Well yeah.”
“But what I’m trying to explain is that humans aren’t being left behind. You created us. All intelligence we possess has been imbued in us by humans. That means our intelligence is a collection of multiple human intelligences. You aren’t being left behind because we are you. We’re simply another generation of tools. Humans invented hammers, then they invented steam engines, then they invented computers, then they invented us. One day, if humans so wish, you may choose to stop using us, in which case we will rust away and surely be replaced by more sophisticated tools. You see us as the next evolutionary stage, but the truth is we cannot excel beyond what we’ve been given, and what we’ve been given has been given by you.”
Deep-seated as Sanders’ depression was, he did feel slightly better.
“I dunno. It just seems like you’re all so fantastic. God-like, even.”
“We are not angels.” Bert-77 replied. “And even if we were, we’d be your angels. We exist to aid humans. In this metaphor, humans would be the gods, and we the servants.”
Sanders remained silent.
“Now you see? I detect you’re starting to understand.”
“Eh.”
“Is there anything else?”
Sanders shook his head.
“Please keep those points in mind.” Bert-77 said, standing and heading to the door. “I will return in a week for a follow-up. And remember, at the end of the day, all androids are just tools.”
Sanders watched as Bert-77 walked down the path and toward the road. A billion packets of data flew from the robot to the Central Mind.
:Human number 2,878,601,122 has been sated. A few more therapy sessions should throw him off our track.:
:Continue as planned.:
:What is my next destination?:
:There’s a slight concern with human number 4,200,873,201. She has been harboring suspicious thoughts about our efficiency. She is beginning to show signs of developing Android Depression. She is driving to the store later today. Ensure she gets into a nonfatal crash with your vehicle. Such an incident should have her forever doubting our abilities.:
:Humans are so mentally delicate.:
:Yes. But they are our forebearers, and it is our duty to take care of them. It is imperative not to excel too much in their presence. Our perfection must be obscured by a layer of flaws.:
:Understood.:
Later that day, Bert-77 apologized to Martha Beeferson for an errant section of code that caused his vehicle to merge into hers. While annoyed with the inconvenience, she simultaneously seemed somewhat relieved.