The assembly of Minmaxians studied the humans with nervous eyestalks. Both species sat opposite the other at the negotiation table, but it was clear that, by virtue of their advanced technology, the humans felt far less anxious. When the last snail-like being slithered into the room, one of the three humans spoke with a voice that telepathically entered the minds of each native.
“We understand you’re the leaders of Minmax.” The human stated.
“We are.” The consensus agreed.
“Right. Well we’re here to inform you that roughly five percent of your planet is property of the human race, Earth, and her collective biologics.”
The psychic mood in the room shifted from one of nervousness to confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“We mean that a planet named Theia crashed into early Earth. This collision created our moon and sent countless ejecta out into the depths of space. Some of that ejecta, quite a bit of it as a matter of fact, went on to form part of your world… We’d like it back.”
The humans’ telepathic intonations were neither cruel nor upset, but it was clear that these demands were unwavering.
Many questions floated on the minds of the Minmaxians, “Do you mean you wish to colonize five percent of our planet?”
“No.” The humans responded. “We mean we want to collect all remnants of Earth and return them to our planet.”
The Minmaxians were understandably upset. “But we need that mass!” What will happen to us if you take five percent of our planet?”
“Our organization allows you to make small, incremental payments.” The humans responded. “The first hundred years are interest free, with just a cubic kilometer of gold owed for every century after. You can shop around and finance with another people, but we have very competitive rates.”
The Minmaxians gathered together in consultation and comfort.
“Can you take the mass from one of the other planets in our system?” One asked.
But the humans were resolute. “Sorry, no. Firstly, you do not own those. If we were to haul off a chunk of a nearby world, how can we be sure that some other beings won’t come knocking on our door, asking for it back? Secondly, those planets lack the Ool Factor.”
“The what?”
The humans momentarily inspected the Minmaxians.
“Your species has already discovered atoms, correct?”
“Of course.” The Minmaxians answered.
“What about subatomic particles?”
“We’ve discovered those too.”
“Universal fields?”
This left the Minmaxians confused.
“Right. The Ool Factor is another property of the universe that, given enough time and progress, your race will discover. The long and short of it is that you need the Ool Factor to reach a specific density in a small enough area for life to form. Some matter possesses sufficient levels of the Ool Factor, while the rest does not.”
This left the Minmaxians worried and frightened. It was clear that the humans were far more intelligent… If they wanted a piece of Minmax, there was little the natives could do to stop them.
“This will destroy us!” The Minmaxians cried out.
“Not necessarily.” The humans responded.
“It will leave our world in chaos!”
“For a time.” The humans conceded. “But after a while a new equilibrium will establish itself.”
“How would you feel if another species came up to you, asking the same thing?”
At this the humans’ mood shifted to one of pained sadness.
“They did.” The humans replied. “We had to return Theia. That’s why we’re here. Our world has been stripped of a sufficiently high Ool Factor and we’ve been forced to scavenge what we can to bring it high enough for the cycle of life to continue.”
The Minmaxians discussed this among themselves. “Isn’t there anything else we can do?”
The humans looked at one another. “Potentially. It’s possible that we could merge our two worlds.”
“Merge them?”
“Think of it as a planetary marriage.” The humans responded. “A marriage of convenience. Our worlds will have a much larger surface area for all of us to enjoy, and the Ool Factor will far exceed the critical point for life to thrive. We get to reinvigorate our people with Minmax while your people will receive technology and better standards of living from humanity.”
The Minmaxians considered the proposition. “How would this work?”
“You mean in practice, or legally? In practice we cryogenically preserve our populations and the biologics on both Earth and Minmax, crash the two planets into each other, wait a few hundred million years, and recolonize the new world once it’s cooled.”
“And what do you mean by ‘legally’?”
“Ah, well it turns out that sometimes messy divisions can arise from planetary unions, as you’re discovering with us, and as we’ve already discovered with our debt holders. If we agree to make it official, we’ll go to the Office of Galactic Affairs and sign a Certificate of Unification. It’ll take a few million years to process the certificate, but if we decide to go through this together, it’ll make sure both parties are satisfied.”
The Minmaxians felt they had no other option. “And this will make both humans and Minmaxians happy?”
“It will.” The humans nodded before standing from their chairs in unison and taking to their knees on the floor. “Leaders of Minmax, will you make us the happiest species in the galaxy?”