On an unassuming day like any other, every human on Earth heard the same voice in their minds. The voice was telepathic and communicated in an alien language that, somehow, every person clearly understood. It was clear and deep and authoritative, and the question it first asked was one that the residents of Earth had been asking themselves for tens of thousands of years.
“What the hell is going on here!?”
However unlike the people of Earth who’d asked the question in an existential way, the alien voice meant it far more literally.
“I leave your species alone for a few Solar-Cycles and this is what you’ve done to the place? You… Tell me what happened.”
In the minds of everyone, a single human face appeared. The face was male, vaguely Middle Eastern or Caucasian, and quite clearly worried and confused.
“Me? Why me?”
“Because you are in the top .01% of your brethren in terms of intelligence and understand your planet better than most. I placed your species here to mine gold for us. How the hell did you achieve sentience?”
“I don’t know. Aren’t all creatures sentient to some degree?”
“It certainly seems all you terrestrial organisms have acquired it! Hell, even your plants are showing signs of it! And where the hell is all the gold?”
“Gold? I think it’s mostly in banks and vaults, but I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure? You were supposed to prize it as a currency!”
“I think we still do.” The human responded. “But now we mostly use paper and other metals for that.”
An aura of critical judgment permeated throughout the human race.
“You what?!”
“I… I think we mostly use papers and other metals.”
“You were supposed to have dug down deep into your planet’s mantle and… What the hell!?”
The alien was clearly surprised by something, but it took a full minute before the human race learned what that something was. Across every mind, appearing beside the confused man, was a creature that looked vaguely human. It had sunken eyes and an enlarged nose and mouth, and its frame was smaller and thinner and bonier than a human’s would otherwise be.
“Is that a goblin?” The human asked.
The creature looked indignant.
“It’s a Tor’Ton. They’re planet harvesters.” The original alien stated.
“We weren’t gonna take the whole thing.” The Tor’Ton hissed. “Just the core.”
“We need our core!” The human exclaimed. “Without it Earth would collapse in on itself, and I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have a magnetic field.”
“We’ve shored up your crust with Neutron-Ridge Metal and reinforced it with hyper-carbo-bound mesh. Guaranteed to even outlast your Sun.”
“Well what about our magnetic field?” The human argued.
“We’ve got Zero-point dynamos sustaining it. They’re far more stable than your core was. Guaranteed you’ll never again experience a pole-shift.”
“I suppose if that’s true, there’s no problem.” The human agreed.
“Of course there’s a problem! There’s a very big problem!” The original alien bellowed. “It’s no wonder you’ve reached such technological achievements and managed to figure out a way to create currency that’s not tied to gold. The Tor’Tons have stabilized your world and have kept it from experiencing regularly scheduled cataclysms.”
“Isn’t that good?” The human asked.
“Not for us.” The alien responded. “You… Tor’Ton. Put their core back and remove the supports you’ve added, or I’ll be paying your planet a visit.”
The Tor’Ton began to object, but the original alien’s deep, cold, clinical aura made its intentions clear.
“Fine.” The Tor’Ton relented.
“And as for the human race… You can keep your sentience and wallow in it. Good luck with the karmic debt that entails. But we still need gold, and for that to happen you need a good reset.”
“What does that mean?” The human asked.
“That means in a few decades, after the Tor’Tons return your world to its natural state and leave this star system, I’ll supercharge a section of your Sun so that a massive coronal ejection destroys your civilization and resets you to a more natural state as well.”
“That’s awful!” The human exclaimed.
“Look, you want to eventually join the galactic federation, right?”
“There’s a galactic federation?”
“Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. Maybe that federation needs gold.” The alien snapped. “That depends on how you behave while in this lower form of development. Prepare yourselves for what’s to come, and get ready to return to the mines you’ve long since abandoned.”